A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.