If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.